If you have recently welcomed a new baby into your life (Congratulations!!) you may soon find out that this precious, bundle of joy is wreaking havoc on your relationship. I mean, come on, you are up ALL night and newborns cry a lot! Your spouse is probably jealous because your boobs (if you choose to breast feed) are now wrapped in KEEP OUT tape (and even if you don’t nurse, the milk won’t go away over night! Engorged boobs are THE WORST,back off buster!). The NO SEX (I can hear the screams of men everywhere!) for 6 WEEKS rule, might as well throw in the towel now! Mix in the extreme fatigue a new mother must also deal with, something a man will never ever in this world know (unless, of course, he spends hours getting rammed in the gut by a wrecking ball and then pushes said wrecking ball out of his butt.). That my lady, is a recipe for an ugly situation, IF you allow it to be!
I understand, it is very difficult to calm the raging bitch inside (sadly, our men seem to be the easy target when we turn into banshees). One thing I found that helps, besides taking as much help as you can, is to look at that sleeping baby (What? They sleep?!). Think about how blessed you are to be able to conceive, carry and deliver a healthy baby!
Make sure to give you and your spouse time together, even if it is just popcorn and a movie on the living room couch between feedings. Ask your man how his day went, show your appreciation and love for him. I know you are tired, but you only live once ( I always say I will sleep when I die!), why not make the most of your time here? I understand that some men (ok, most) are very unaware of things (such as the fact that our bodies are exhausted, or that we get depressed after we have a baby), so don’t be afraid to speak up. You will feel a lot better if you address an issue before it blows up into a fat, messy problem. Men get defensive easily, so if you are going to address something (even if it IS him), make sure to use “I” and “me” instead of “you”. Like this, “Babe, it makes me upset when I’m being ignored” instead of “You piss me off when you ignore me!”. Being in a bad mood is no reason to disrespect your significant other. Trust me, your bad mood will only spew off and make for a bad mood in the house. Take a minute to refresh your mindframe, even if the baby is crying. The baby will be fine (Run through the simple checklist: Fed- check, Changed- check, Burped-check. Baby may be tired, but a few minutes of crying won’t do any harm but tire him/her out more). Splash some cool water on your face, or brush your teeth. Pull your hair back into a pony tail and spritz some hairspray on your hairline and smooth it back so it feels fresh. Taking just a few minutes to do little things will make you feel so much better! Just a few minutes, when you most need it, will really prevent you from going over the deep end. Take it easy on your honey. If he is being a jerk, it is honestly best to turn on the ignore button. I find that if I am too upset and my man is being difficult to be around (I’m sure it is more me than him, but at the moment you don’t realize things like that) I can relieve my stress by writing about it. As corny as you may feel, write it (and really write it, let all that stress go) and read it when you are in a better mood. You may find that you were being unreasonable, it gives you a good feel of how you can come off when you are upset. Look for things that you can work on the next time around. I find that I sometimes feel embarrassed with how I sounded! (Just imagine if I would have actually let that anger explode on him, whew!)
When you are ready to do so, drop the baby off with a trusted loved one and go on a dinner date with your man. Doing this at least once a month can really give the both of you something to look forward to! My husband and I make it a point to go on vacation together once a year. With two children, it is fairly difficult (especially with cry baby Andre) to have our time together. With proper planning, you can catch a great deal to many vacation destinations (we love Vegas!) using sites such as Expedia and Travelocity. One good thing you can do to get some nice alone time is to work out together. I’m sure you have some excess baby weight (and if you don’t, suck my big toe!) to lose, why not run together every other day? It is also a great stress reliever! (Don’t work out too soon though, you need your healing time). It may be hard to do so if you work full-time, but even doing it twice a week will make you feel better.
Remember, a baby is an addition to your life. It may be rough in the beginning, but you will adjust and be able to pick right back up where you left off. Only now, you have a cute little person to ride by your side.